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FAIRFAX, VA  ~  While standing on the drawbridge over an alligator-infested moat surrounding the heavily fortified headquarters of his organization, Vice President for Public Relations Mr. Ammo Amasamat said today that the long-held conviction of his organization remains unchanged by the terrible events in Newtown, Connecticut a year ago today.

"When the armed school guards we helped to put in place a year ago have only semi-automatic pistols with 10-round clips, only deranged individuals will have Bushmaster semi-automatic rifles.  It appears obvious to anyone who fairly looks at this issue that we must arm our school guards with bazookas.  That, plus the addition of moats such as this one, is the only way to keep our schools safe and to prevent senseless tragedies such as we witnessed a year ago today."  Smiling magnanimously, Amasamat added, "We will gladly donate six alligators to every school who digs a moat and arms their guards with bazookas.  We'll even get them a discount when they order their bazookas in quantity."